SSSoupy
Champion
SSSoupy
SSSoupy
Australians, pretty weird right? there are a number of things that I don't like about them (like the fact that they have eyes) and some things I'm indifferent about (like their bank accounts).
First off, the media depiction of them is skewed and heavily biased, watching any commercial or movie at all, they make it seem like every other bloke you meet on the street is an Australian. However, lets look at the facts, Australians make up about 96.78% of the United States population, and 163% of the worldwide population. According to these numbers, the odds of you meeting an Australian is about 8, whereas the likelihood of growing a pineapple is a much more reasonable 3. But enough about their representation, I don't exactly care much about that, my second point has to do with their existence.
It is no surprise that I take great issue with the existence of Australians/Australia, obviously this is due to their location on the globe, and thus disproving the round earth theory. "But SSSoupy, thats not a thing you can take issue with" I hear you say, well first off, you're wrong, and second off, you're not just wrong you're stupid. The reason I take such great issue with this is that I happen to greatly enjoy the Round Earth Theory, however, since Australia disproves it I can't talk about this theory in public without being called a Ball-Earther and being ridiculed.
My third and final perplexity of Australia is their vastly varied military strength. I mean, the frickers took down Hitler II Electric Boogaloo The XVII and ended WWXI only three weeks after it started, but cannot even manage to take down some big birds with weird names. Building upon this is the fact that there does not exist a single Australian that has not been birdswaggled as a child by an Emu, and as such, the whole population has been compromised and is practically birds. Don't believe me? have you ever seen an Australian speak? It's incredibly weird to witness, but there is a complicated secret behind it. If you manage to get close to an Aussie and record some of their speak, then you can play it backwards after changing the font to italics to get a screech that sounds suspiciously Emuish.
My closing sentiments
My friends, always be mindful of those who may be suffering from Australia or may have family suffering from an Australian. Please remember that catching Aussie is something that can happen to literally anyone so you should never be too quick to judge anyone for a small case of updown pox. What is the "Aussie" or the "Australia" you ask? Well, I'm glad you posed that question. The Aussie pox (scientifically referred to as Australian) is a rarer disease which can easily turn the victims life upside down. Some common symptoms are a neat accent, saying things like "crikey" and "mate" or "cooking things on the barbie", an affinity for deadly beasts and or death defying stunts, and a desire for being australian.
I don't want to call anyone out, but I would like to say that I suspect a staff member (I won't say who out of principle ofc) has been diagnosed with Aussie and while I don't want to point fingers around here, I do believe that Beetley has contracted a large case of the Australian and I wish him godspeed in his recovery, but I am saddened by the fact that the Aussie disease is a terminal illness approximately 139% of the time.
First off, the media depiction of them is skewed and heavily biased, watching any commercial or movie at all, they make it seem like every other bloke you meet on the street is an Australian. However, lets look at the facts, Australians make up about 96.78% of the United States population, and 163% of the worldwide population. According to these numbers, the odds of you meeting an Australian is about 8, whereas the likelihood of growing a pineapple is a much more reasonable 3. But enough about their representation, I don't exactly care much about that, my second point has to do with their existence.
It is no surprise that I take great issue with the existence of Australians/Australia, obviously this is due to their location on the globe, and thus disproving the round earth theory. "But SSSoupy, thats not a thing you can take issue with" I hear you say, well first off, you're wrong, and second off, you're not just wrong you're stupid. The reason I take such great issue with this is that I happen to greatly enjoy the Round Earth Theory, however, since Australia disproves it I can't talk about this theory in public without being called a Ball-Earther and being ridiculed.
My third and final perplexity of Australia is their vastly varied military strength. I mean, the frickers took down Hitler II Electric Boogaloo The XVII and ended WWXI only three weeks after it started, but cannot even manage to take down some big birds with weird names. Building upon this is the fact that there does not exist a single Australian that has not been birdswaggled as a child by an Emu, and as such, the whole population has been compromised and is practically birds. Don't believe me? have you ever seen an Australian speak? It's incredibly weird to witness, but there is a complicated secret behind it. If you manage to get close to an Aussie and record some of their speak, then you can play it backwards after changing the font to italics to get a screech that sounds suspiciously Emuish.
My closing sentiments
My friends, always be mindful of those who may be suffering from Australia or may have family suffering from an Australian. Please remember that catching Aussie is something that can happen to literally anyone so you should never be too quick to judge anyone for a small case of updown pox. What is the "Aussie" or the "Australia" you ask? Well, I'm glad you posed that question. The Aussie pox (scientifically referred to as Australian) is a rarer disease which can easily turn the victims life upside down. Some common symptoms are a neat accent, saying things like "crikey" and "mate" or "cooking things on the barbie", an affinity for deadly beasts and or death defying stunts, and a desire for being australian.
I don't want to call anyone out, but I would like to say that I suspect a staff member (I won't say who out of principle ofc) has been diagnosed with Aussie and while I don't want to point fingers around here, I do believe that Beetley has contracted a large case of the Australian and I wish him godspeed in his recovery, but I am saddened by the fact that the Aussie disease is a terminal illness approximately 139% of the time.
